Let go and let God

I think we often hear this phrase and then use it as a reason to stop. To stop moving forward, to stop seeking… to stand still.

Don’t get me wrong standing still has its time and place, but when we ‘let go and let God’ what are we truly saying?

He calls us to take upon His yoke for it is easy and His burden is light. He calls us to cast our cares onto Him. So does letting go mean we don’t do anything?

No, that doesn’t sound right.

Today as speak to my soul and the mild turmoil I feel going on under the surface, I’m asking God what is going on. Lord, You have been revealing things to me, which are good and I can now die to, but why do I feel the weight of anxiety, fear and judgement as a result? It suffocating. Lord it’s suffocating me.”

Why?

“Emanuela you are trying to pick up everything I have shown you and deal with it yourself. You are holding them so closely, almost like a shield you can hide behind. God showed me this about myself and so I’m not quite myself, oh I’m sorry I responded that way here’s all the things I’m dealing with… Now those response are completely valid, but what you’re doing is using all of the things I am calling you to die to as a shield and reason to not move forward. The weight is too heavy My child. If you hold it all you will end up standing still

I showed you these things so that you could let them go. I am not calling you to try and understand. I will bring the understanding. I am not calling you to heal yourself, I bring the healing and I am oh so gentle. I’m not even calling you to try and move forward. I will guide your steps. What I’m asking you to do is let go of these things I never intended for you to use as weights. Let go of them My Daughter so I can come in and be God. Be sovereign over it all. Bring about My perfect will. Bring the healing I want to give you. Refill you with joy and laughter. Take and destroy these lies that held you bound. Let go of them and let me, your God, handle it all. Simply come to Me. Yes I know without them you feel vulnerable and weak, but it is in that weakness I make you strong. It is in your mistakes My Glory can shine through. I don’t look for the ready, I seek the willing. Let go of anxiety, let go of fear, let go of shame, let go of judgment. Let My love wash over you.

This is what ‘let go and let God’ means.

You do not stop

You do not stand still holding every weight

You simply come just as you are

Releasing every weight, good and bad

And let Me have full control

Come soft and I will do the rest.” - from Your Heavenly Father.

This is what God spoke to me when I asked Him why. And it was only after I read everything back, was able to see what these verses actually said. All the questions and the weights I was holding, are described in the scriptures He gave me at the beginning.

“For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good–not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.”Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭30‬ ‭AMPC‬‬

“Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never allow the [consistently] righteous to be moved (made to slip, fall, or fail). [I Pet. 5:7.]” - Psalm‬ ‭55‬:‭22‬ ‭AMPC‬‬

“Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. [Ps. 55:22.]” - ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭7‬ ‭AMPC‬‬

What a compassionate High priest we have! He spoke directly and them amplified His Word for Me, He gave me a solid foundation to stand on and so now when I have moments like this again, I can turn to scripture and drink in the truth once again. I pray this encourages you, we are not alone in our walk with Christ, let’s keep sharing to encourage and stand with one another in Christ!

Love from Em

P.s - God didn’t stop there, here is the full scripture He gave me. How to live and come to Him, what we should do and His promises of strength and growth. May God speak to you through His Word…

“Likewise, you who are younger and of lesser rank, be subject to the elders (the ministers and spiritual guides of the church)–[giving them due respect and yielding to their counsel]. Clothe (apron) yourselves, all of you, with humility [as the garb of a servant, so that its covering cannot possibly be stripped from you, with freedom from pride and arrogance] toward one another. For God sets Himself against the proud (the insolent, the overbearing, the disdainful, the presumptuous, the boastful)–[and He opposes, frustrates, and defeats them], but gives grace (favor, blessing) to the humble. [Prov. 3:34.] Therefore humble yourselves [demote, lower yourselves in your own estimation] under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you, Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. [Ps. 55:22.] Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour. Withstand him; be firm in faith [against his onset–rooted, established, strong, immovable, and determined], knowing that the same (identical) sufferings are appointed to your brotherhood (the whole body of Christians) throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace [Who imparts all blessing and favor], Who has called you to His [own] eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself complete and make you what you ought to be, establish and ground you securely, and strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the dominion (power, authority, rule) forever and ever. Amen (so be it).”

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭5‬-‭11‬ ‭AMPC‬‬

My Story… told another way

During my time in Japan on outreach God asked me if I would tell my story through movement once again. I used to dance a lot for worship when I was younger but it have been many years since I last danced.

At this moment when God asked me, I really was not well. However, I felt this pull to obedience and let go of how it would look and chose to just share my story with people who have never heard His name before. Here is my act of obedience, He receives all the Glory, even with all our flaws and perfections!

Consistency, fear of man, I’m not enough…

What a title I know, but I promise the end is worth it. For a very long time I have had this challenge of being consistent in, well most things… in communicating with people, in posting and sharing content and pursuing things I know Christ has skilled and gifted me in. I had fear of what people would think about me, what would they say, how would they react and would I be received. This resulted in the lie that I’m not enough, what I do will not have any impact and reach people anyway, so why not let someone else do it. And so this cycle of thinking would repeat itself. It held me in as straight jacket for so many years, I got used to the discomfort it bought. It wasn’t until near the end of last year that I was able to hear God on what was actually going on and why I was struggling so much. When He bought these things to light, God did not give me a step by step healing plan and a list of things I needed to change. Instead His response was simple.

Emanuela you are loved

Emanuela you are precious

Emanuela you are My child

Emanuela be yourself, the you I have uniquely created you to be

Walk in the freedom I died for

Emanuela focus on Me…

Oh so simple, but oh so hard. How can I receive love that I am not worthy of? You made everyone, but Lord why do I struggle to see who I actually am and the value You say I have? Who even is Emanuela? What if people see me as weirder than they already do? Lord the world’s artificial lights bring me no joy, but I don’t feel worthy to cast my gaze on You at all times…

Now it would be a lie to say I had these thoughts daily, but it was these thoughts that stopped me from being consistent in the things God has called me too. Broken, no not completely, but I had many fractures in my soul that needed attention.

So with no formula and as messy as it may be I said yes to the healing work God wanted to start. Through prayer, words of knowledge that others shared with me and time with God, He gave me two tasks. Be yourself and focus on Me.

I did not realise how difficult this would be. Fear of man had such a grip on my life, I didn’t realise how deep it went. Every layer God revealed came with the pain as if I was experiencing that hurt all over again. Layer after layer, hurt after hurt, I could only look more and more at God. Who else could I turn too, who else knew exactly how deep this ran and how much pain it had caused me? Who else was capable of bringing healing to these areas that I didn’t even know existed until He revealed them? Who else would love me unconditionally through the mess of these past wounds and still call me beautiful and loved? Who else could see the chaos going on in my mind? Only God. So I couldn’t help but look at Him, because in His eyes all I ever saw was His love for me. How could I not receive this love I did nothing for, but a love He wanted me so desperately to receive? Being filled up with this love, how could I not love Him back and more so how could I not want other people to experience this for themselves. What did it matter how I looked or what people thought about me, His love broke through every single rough edge and pain I have felt and bought me into the arms of My Heavenly Father who calls me His own. He says I am loved no matter what, that He has created me for a purpose, that I was worth the sacrifice… oh to taste the joy that unchanging truth brings and NOT share it with others! I couldn’t and I can’t do it! So no matter how messy it may come out, however I may look, fear of man cannot be something I live in anymore. He is too good to not shout it from the rooftops.

This is where looking at God has bought me. It was by looking at Him and focusing on Him that He was able to show me who I am, my value… I was able to die to fear of man and die to the lies that once held me bound. God was able to tend these fractures and now it’s time for me to walk in freedom I now have.

Fractures can take a very long time to heal and once they are fully healed, you still need to be careful because certain things can cause a flare up. This does not mean that they were not healed, but we do need to have certain measures in place to avoid flare ups. This is why He has given us so many practical steps in scripture on how to stay focused on Him and the Holy Spirit guides us through it all. These are some scriptures that have helped me, but please remember that God is gracious and He knows our weaknesses as humans. If you fall, get back up, for He is compassionate and gracious in ways we can’t fully grasp.

Scripture that have helped me falling back into…

Anxiety - Phil 4:6-8 | Ps 42

• tells me what to do when I feel anxiety

• Make the decision to receive the peace of God, even if the situation hasn’t change yet

• Do not spend time meditating (filling my mind) up with things what will continue to keep my mood low and mind away from Christ. Instead I filter every thought through each of these and if the thoughts makes it through I hold onto it.

• Sometimes you need to remind yourself that God is good, acknowledge how you are feeling, but ultimately choose to hope in God who does not fail and change

Believing lies that I am not good enough - John 3:16 | 1 Peter 3 | Psalms 139 | Daniel 1

• I was worth God sending His only Son to die for me

• I am a chosen priesthood

• I am fearfully and wonderfully made

• All God wants from me is my heart, He is the one who makes things good and excellent

all I ever needed …

Take a deep breath.

Okay… this is song in short is my testimony. Oh I don’t even know where to start. God rescued me, truly. Here I go…

I wrote this song two years ago after a deep time of worship, when it struck me just how much He had saved, redeemed and healed me from.

I grew up in a Christian household and gave my heart to God at the age of 4. I can’t remember how I went about it, but I know that I wanted Jesus in my heart forever. Now I don’t think I ever lost that desire, but as I started to get older the reality of Jesus as best friend (Proverbs 18:24) was not yet know to me. As a result I went through a lot of things in silence, not wanting to burden my family and not wanting to look weak.

God truly stepped in, wiped my tears and started to dress those deep wounds. Truly, He is all I ever wanted, all I ever needed and will need…x

Dealing with disappointments

I believe that disappointments require us to be transparent, if to no one else at least to ourselves, and to do so before God. Let Him know your feelings,  thoughts, emotions and questions.

It’s what you do after that which will affect how you then proceed...

We can choose to stay in negative feelings and thoughts, which if we give enough time can render us ineffective... over time allowing certain emotions towards ourselves and others to fester and cloud our judgement.

Or we can acknowledge all those things which have led to disappointment, and then choose to look to God, from where comes our help. By focusing on Him we stay on the path He has called us to walk.

This is why Philippians 4:8 is so important for believers to do as it instructs us how to keeps our minds focused on God and well.

Scriptures:

- Luke 22:42

- 1 Samuel 15:11

- Philippians 4:8

With love,

E x

(I filmed this video after my visa was denied, I had to tell everyone I was no longer travelling and seeking God on whether He wanted me to try again or move on…)

Before the mission trip…

I had always wanted to go on a mission trip. My sister had gone on one when I was in high school and if I’m being honest I felt a little bit of envy (all be it, it didn’t last long). However, my desire to go was I something couldn’t shake off, but I never felt that release to go.

As I began to get ready to go off to university, I spent time with God seeking His guidance on this new chapter. I prayed for the right friends, I didn’t need a lot… I prayed for one friend. Sought Him for the spiritual environment I was about to enter and how He wanted me carry myself… I felt lead to prepare myself to serve. I had no idea what that would entail, but asked Him to prepare my heart for what was ahead.

Then I arrived and within a few weeks, I had discovered what ‘serve’ looked like. I join the Christian Union and then proceeded, with my one friend, to pray and fast for those we encountered at CU, who lead and our campus too. Every week, almost without fail, be it a prayer walk or in our room, we prayed consistently for that whole year. Alongside this I had become a student ambassador for my university, supporting them on a practical level. I did both of these things for the full 3 years of my study (the frequency changed in my final year, for both).

As the end of my first year approached God presented me with the opptunity to go on my first overseas mission trip. I found myself asking God, why? What has changed Lord? While having this quiet moment with God, my year flashed before me and with it came revelation. Lord this is mission… what I have been doing this year has been missional…

To know Christ, submit to His will, seek His face first, allow Him to shape/mould and grow me in every aspect of life… to fill me up for His glory.

To pray for those around me, my leaders, classmates… pray for the sick, seek His heart for them and not my own selfish desires.

To walk alongside those God has called me to, walking that extra mile, showing them the love of Christ. My Saviour who washed my dirty feet… to shine His light.

Most of this happened without me even realising, but I knew this is God’s heart. To know Christ and make Him known. This is mission and until this moment I don’t think I really understood what it meant to be missional.

I needed that year to teach me truly what it meant to die to self, surrender to God and serve.

And what happened next, well that’s another story…

X x x

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” - Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭33‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” - James‬ ‭5‬:‭16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.” - Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭41‬ ‭NKJV‬‬